An excerpt for my new online diary which is anonymous but extremely calming. I chose to create an online diary after enjoying the latest installment of Adrian Mole (The lost diaries 1999 - 2001) and realising that it may help if ever an autobiography is to be commissioned :). Being anonymous, means I can be completely honest and I cannot describe what an amazing feeling that is. In any event, I decided to share today's entry since it has no relevance to anybody I know.
Today, my girls and I bought take out and had a picnic at Mitchell Park. It was an amazing Durban winter's day and no birds crapped on me. Evertything about the trip was idyllic up until the point where my wife and I separated. Tim took Siddiqa to the playground whilst I took Sulaym (13 months) to see the birds and animals.
She loved it and I could see her taking everything in, and made a mental note to do this more often. At the Flamingo enclosure I stopped carrying her and she walked around looking at the ducks and curiously touching the bars, as if checking whether they were electrified or not. I took the backpack of my shoulder so I could put away the bottled water in a side patch and it was there, in that instant, that my self worth was irrevocably diminished.
My adorable daughter decided to pick up a fallen nut off the floor and a nearby mum shouted and ran to her asking her "Not to touch that kaka". This of course created quite a commotion in the serenity of the park so everybody in our vicinity turned to look. My daughter obligingly handed to nut to the the lady and gave her a look to say, "Thank God you arrived just in time!". Had I tried to take the nut away from her, I would have been met with a wall of tears and a possible tantrum. Maybe I should consider wearing my hair in a bun to get the same kind of compliance.
It was a while before the pain of countless eyes burrowing holes into my back subsided and admittedly, moving rapidly to another part of the park aided that greatly. It was then that a lady walked up to me and asked if I could please take a photograph of her with her husband and daughter. I oblidged but it became quickly apparent that they were present at the flamingo enclosure earlier. When I asked if they were happy with the picture, they responded by asking me, Why am I by myself?, where is my wife? and.... If this is the first time I am spending time alone with baby?
I was going to respond by telling them that my wife had been killed in a freak flamingo incident but The abruptness of their questions caught me completely off guard. I mumbled a response and made my way out of the park.
Regardless of this experience, I must make a conscientious effort to come out more often. It is pointless laughing at everyone from JHB when they complain about the cold, when we do not take advantage of our awesome Durban weather.